It was one year ago that I received a phone call when I was overseas that my dog, my beautiful and kind Forrest, was deathly ill. I am one of those people who expresses their emotions explosively, to say the least. I found myself in a hotel room bathroom crying hysterically into a towel with those animalistic and guttural cries of pain that can only be conjured up by the loss of something you care so much about. It was one a.m. and Eva had Masterclass to teach (we were in Bulgaria) the next morning and willed herself to sleep. I remained awake the entire night. By 7 a.m. we received a call, the call, informing us that she had died. I had prepared myself for this as best I could, but more cries of loss ensued.
I can't include a photo here for it was a year ago and the pain has still remained to a degree I did not think was possible. During the year, especially the months after this loss, I kept a journal of the range of emotions I experienced. I collected these into a book I made, with many images, and called it "Letters To Forrest." It helped greatly and I will always treasure the words (which are so hard to read now) and the images of her life.
Tonight I laid her favorite toys on the couch where she slept so often. I lit a memorial candle for her as well. We spoke about her goodness and how content she was. We also joked about how impossible it is to find a small dog, a puppy, during this time of COVID and how people have jacked up the prices in order to make a huge profit.
I miss my dog. I miss how she filled our house with her presence and how she made us laugh. I miss my late night walks with her and talking to her as if she really understood. I leave clothing by my bed each and every night for her (and also because I am sloppy) to sleep upon. I hope she is with the people that I love most who are no longer in our lives. I hope she is with my father, Michael, and Paulina who loved her so too. Okay, enough of this far too personal website blog posting. Next posting will have some images!
p.s. Happy New Year to anyone reading this and be safe and healthy.